Karen in Wonderland
by Yygriega
Summary: Karen follows Mouse under Maggie's bed into another world where people in her life portray Lewis Carroll characters. but is it a dream, or is it possibly the Nevernever?
1. Chapter 1

Karen Murphy was becoming quite tired as she lay on the couch. She hated feeling so useless. She couldn't remember the last time she sat still for so long, or the last time Harry fought anything without her help in some way. She considered cleaning something but nothing was actually out of place enough to validate getting onto her foot, which was still immobilized in plaster and stuffing. At that moment Mouse walked by. Karen was use to Mouse in her home, the wise gray beast, but what she was not use to was him walking on two legs. She noted the difference mildly, but did not start until he checked his watch and muttered, "Well damn, I'm running late." After a numb second, she realized it was less common for him to speak and he had never worn a watch before.

Karen followed Mouse to the guest room, now decorated in pastel purple, pink, and black for the little girl who now dwelled there. But Maggie was at school at the moment so only Karen followed Mouse into the room. He got down on all fours and squeezed under Maggie's bed, which by all accounts shouldn't have fit him. Karen crouched, lowering herself into a flat position to peek under the bed, but Mouse had somehow vanished. She low crawled under the bed, and found herself crawling for quite some time before she plunged into a straight drop.

Down, down, she fell; slowly as if sinking in water. As she fell she wondered if she would ever land, and if she did, if she would die. Desks and cabinets passed as she fell, "or I guess I am passing them, huh?" she rethought her situation. She grabbed a filing cabinet to stop her fall, but only ended up taking it down. She snooped in the top drawer, finding case files from S.I. that were filled out truthfully instead of the fiction she wrote to be believed by mortals and then let go of it so it stopped falling.

She fell for quite a while longer before landing in a heap of stuffed animals. When she looked up, there was a rectangular shadow on the ceiling. She struggled to her feet with her arm and leg still casted, and hobbled down the drab dingy white hall with ugly stained grayish blue carpet. There were doors here and there but all were locked, until she came to the end of the hall and saw Mouse spot an analogue clock on the wall, and swear "is that the time already?"

He went down a flight of stairs but when Karen followed, she lost sight of him again. She found herself in a lobby with a front desk, a number of metal and plastic chairs, and a couple houseplants. On the desk was a plastic coil wristband with a key. She grabbed the key then returned to the hall to see if it unlocked any doors but it did not fit. When she got to the other end of the hall, instead of the pile of toys, she found a familiar looking door. It had a frosted glass window and gold leaf letters reading Harry Dresden- Wizard, but it was also only about 15 inches tall. It stood so close to a regular sized water cooler, she wondered if it was blocked before or there at all.

"Even I can't fit into that." She returned to the lobby half-hoping to find another key if she explored the desk, but instead found a coffee mug with "drink me" written in Old English font on it. "Yeah right." She scoffed at the coffee, searching the desk as planned. Nothing in it but a pen and sign in forms on a clipboard. After some deliberation, she sipped the coffee. It was delightful! She sipped and sipped it down till it was gone and she was 10 inches tall, naked of her casts, and in a little blue dress.

Karen journeyed long to the door and realized all too late, she had forgotten the key. In a temper tantrum, she punched the water cooler and a crack traveled up and up until it ruptured like a dam, pouring sea water over her. "Sea water?" just then, she caught a glimpse of movement in the water and found a mouse, splashing about franticly. She waded through the current of spilled water then helped the mouse stand. "Are you okay?" the mouse tilted his head and twitched his nose "Er… parle vu france? Eh… comme mon chat?" the mouse wiggled free of her and backed away. "You speak French? Une souris francaise?"

"Et d'autres langues."

"Such a smart mouse. I know a dog who is very smart. His name is Mouse." Karen rambled to the mouse as it continued to swim away.

"Come, come; let us get ashore." The mouse said tiredly. As Karen followed, she noticed other animals following the mouse as well. They arrived on a beach and gathered together for warmth.

"I got it!" a vole squeaked.

"Oh, no." a great Auk grumbled.

"Hear him out." Karen scolded the Dodo-like penguin.

"Thank you. We should have a race!" the vole said, already scurrying on along the beach. All the animals took off after him, even Karen was compelled to race. Along the way, she spotted Mouse among the racing animals and followed him. She was surprised to catch up so quickly.

"Karen!" Mouse exclaimed. "What are you doing here?"

"I could ask you the same. Is this what you do when Harry isn't around?" Karen asked.

"Harry? Forget Harry! The Duchess! The Duchess needs her backpack and lunch bag." Mouse exclaimed. "be a dear, and fetch them for me. I'm running late enough as it is." Mouse exclaimed. Karen ran off the track and came across an old brick home. She went down the familiar stairs to the front door of a basement apartment. The door read 'Mr. Mouse Residence'.

"fetching for the dog… whats next, letting Mister fool me with a laser dot?" Karen mused as she entered the apartment. By the door, she found the backpack, and looked for the lunch bag in the kitchen. In the fridge stood a solitary beer. A heavenly brown ale by a local brewer called Mac. Karen gladly took the beer and drank. Before she was done, she had grown too big for that floor and broke through the ceiling to the next level, then the next. She grew and grew until her arms hung out the top windows and one foot out a bottom window.

"Dear lord in heaven" a familiar voice called aghast. Mrs. Spunkercliffe was old, hunched, and deaf. Karen recognized it at once. "oh Mister Mouse, Mister Mouse, you have a very rude guest!"

"she's no guest, I sent her to fetch a bag."

"Who are you calling a hag? Why I've never!"

"No, no, I sent her- I sent her!"

"Call her a Hag all you like, but I expect her out this instant." The deaf woman grumbled.

"Oh, officer, please help." Karen heard Mouse exclaim. "I sent this woman in to grab my bag, and she went and turned giant, making me terribly late."

"well I can force her out, if you like." the officer, who's voice Karen recognized at O'Toole's, replied confidently.

"How will you force me out? There is no possible way; I'm too damn big to fit through the doors!" Karen cried out.

"Alright, you… you stop this nonsense this instant and come out of that building." O'Toole scolded her.

"I wish to, I swear." Karen began to pout. Then she got angry. "Ugh, this whole day has been nonsense, but none of it is my fault. Its this place!"

"then come out." O'Toole suggested.

"I would if it were possible but… wait… impossible things have been happening all day. Damn, impossible things have been happening to me since the day I met Harry."

"That's it, I'm coming in after you!" O'Toole said sternly, trying the door, but it was wedged by Karen's foot. She gave it a kick, sending O'Toole flying to the wall across from the front door with an audible slap. Karen winced, then reached into a window from where her arm stuck out another, and opened a doughnut box, teetering on a slanted cabinet by where she broke through the floor of the apartment, and dumped it's contents into her mouth. By the end of chewing, she was tiny, and scampered past O'Toole and Mouse no bigger to them, than Mister the cat was to her.

She ran until Mouse's shouts were hardly audible then walked. "okay, maybe if I eat something, I'll grow. I cant possibly get any smaller, right? Don't tempt fate Karen." She rapped her own head. Looking down the alley she spotted a pizza box and went over to peek inside. A single slice was left, still warm and smelling fresh, but beside it lounged a lavender haired fairie smoking a long pipe, blowing shapes of smoke mortals couldn't manage and giving her no mind.

"excuse me, sir may I have a bit of that pizza?" Karen asked.

"Why?"

"I'm trying to get bigger." She answered the fairy, who somehow managed to ignore her and speak to her at the same time. Her response seemed to offend him. He gave her a scowl and fluttered to his feet.

"BIGGER? Disgusting! Why would you wish to be bigger?"

"I want to get back to my own size."

"but you are small."

"I am at the moment, but I wasn't always so small."

"No, I should think you were smaller. Everything starts out smaller and get bigger."

Karen evaluated herself and pondered this. "Well I guess I was smaller than this once, but-"

"Egad, where are your wings?"

"I never had any wings."

"But you are a fairy, are you not?"

"No."

"A pixie then."

"No, I'm human."

"Nonsense! Humans aren't so small unless they are babies. You must be a human baby."

"No- I'm an adult. I was made this small."

"Nonsense, nonsense. You must be a baby to be so small. In that case, I heard you couldn't eat pizza, poor thing… I'll fetch you some milk."

"NO, I'm not a baby!"

"Oh dear, oh dear, you are having a fit." The fairy tisked then hugged Karen under her arms and patted her back. "There, there… wait, here?" he patted her back again in a new place. "Or is it here?"

"Let me go, please, I have no time for this. Just let me taste the pizza so I can grow big."

"You don't want to get too big or you'll get sick." The fairy argued. At that, Karen gave up and walked away. "Wait, wait!" the fairy squeaked, fluttering after her. "Go ahead and have some." He offered. Karen eyed it then looked toward the fay but he was gone.

She examined the pizza then shrugged and picked the sliced mushroom from the cheese and sniffed it. "This doesn't look too fattening." She grumbled then nibbled it. Nothing happened. After a moment she nibbled again but didn't have to wait long before she shot up to her natural height. She ventured out of the alley and found her feet had taken her immediately to a quaint suburban two-story home she recognized as the Carpenters home. A raven haired fairy in a suit of black armor knocked on the door then little Holly, also known as Hobbit, answered. The fairy bowed then produced a scroll, falling all the way to the ground from where she hovered. "The queen extends a royal invitation for the Duchess to join her for a game of…" the fairy sneered then hissed the following words as if they disgusted her. "goofy golf."

"The Duchess is to goofy golf with the queen, you say?" Hobit recited. "very well." Hobbit bowed deeply then the fairy turned in a sparkle and vanished. Hobbit went inside, but before Karen could approach the door, returned outside and met her. "Oh my hello, miss Murphy."

"Hiya Hobbit. Did you see me coming?"

"Not until you arrived."

"May I go inside? I'm curious to meet this duchess that has Mouse walking on two legs and Za Lords's army delivering invitations."

"That is not the Duchess doing such things, it is the queen who commands it." Hobbit said, cocking her little blond head to one side. "Come in if you like, but please don't mind the racket." So Karen did and was met with such a din, a door would hardly be able to retain. Little Harry, named after Dresden, was on the floor crying and sneezing in turns, while Alicia and Amanda, the female Carpenters were trying to calm him with toys and treats, sneezing in fits as well. Mathew and his older brother were plugging their ears, complaining and sneezing loudly to each other, while Molly was obliviously dumping more and more pepper into a cauldron in the fire place.

Molly was the oldest Carpenter child, and had been made the new winter lady, yet here she was, terrible a cook as ever, fixing some kind of stew over the fire in her parent's living room. A Malk sat on the mantle, flicking it's over-long tail, smiling a pleasant grin at the suffering Molly's cooking caused. "Molly, too much pepper! Too much pepper! Look, it's upsetting the children!"

"How dare you speak to me in such a manor, pig." Molly scolded Karen.

"You must be this Duchess, everyone is so crazy over. You are certainly driving me crazy."

"You are so ignorant, Pig. I am not Duchess, I am queen; Queen of diamonds. She turned away from cooking and the air instantly cleared so she could show she wore a mermaid style dress that seemed entirely comprised of diamonds and showed ample cleavage before collecting around her throat again. Her hair was up and held in place by a diamond tiara that was hard to look at for all the vibrant colors it shone.

"Who is the Duchess then?"

"Ignorant Pig. Ignorant ignorant."

"Yes, almighty queen, there is much I don't know. There is much you don't either. There is no shame in ignorance. May I please speak to the duchess now?"

"And why do you wish her over me, pig?" Molly asked indignantly.

"You are rude for one. If you call me pig one more time, I might lose my head."

"Sith, get the axe! She wishes to lose her head." Molly squealed, jumping and clapping like a small child.

"I am the Duchess, Miss Karen." A sweet voice spoke. Karen spun to look at Maggie Dresden garbed in a maxi gown with alternating chevrons of red white, black, and gold down the length, and the top was white and covered her arms and neck with a heart shape cut out the center of the chest and a red A displayed at her throat made of rubies. A ruffly bustle of tiers of rectangular cut layers fell to the floor and into a train, then Karen realized they were heart shaped. She wore her short curly dark brown hair down and graced it with a far more modest silver tiara that formed a lot of hearts and a single A centered on it in rubies.

"Duchess Maggie." Karen said absent-mindedly.

"Please speak quickly. I was waiting for my steward to fetch my things but cannot wait any longer before the queen demands my head."

"I'm not sure what I wish to ask any more. This place seems to be changing me. The things I wanted when I got here aren't the things I want now." Karen said pensively.

"I'm 10-years-old. What questions do you expect me to answer?" Maggie asked impatiently.

"Maybe my problems require a wiser perspective to answer."

"I should think so. Instead you have just wasted my time, and now I must rush to the queen's goofy golf course."

"But where should I go?"

"Where do you want to be?" Cat Sith's creepy voice cooed.

"Home. I want to go home."

"And where is that?"

"I'm not sure. This place is familiar and foreign at once. Further more, I find myself speaking in a manor I'm unaccustomed… I think I'm going mad."

"Perhaps you already have gone mad, and so you've come here." The creepy voice of the malk sent shivers down Karen's spine. "May haps this place _is_ Mad."

"Then how do I get out?"

"I've never heard of someone getting out of mad, before. If there is a way… the queen would know it." The malk swished his tail and vanished, then appeared at the door, which opened to let him out. Karen followed Sith outside then found a road that wasn't there before. She passed the malk to examine the street signs then turned to ask it where to go, but he was gone. Only his eyes lingered in the shadow, then his voice spoke. "see you at the Queen's Golf Course." Then the eyes too faded from sight.

Karen picked a direction and ventured ahead until she found a house with two chimneys and an odd shaped portal to make it look like a rabbit. In the garden beside the house was a beautifully lain garden and tea set out at a long table. Butters was in a tux with a top hat, leaning over a sleeping wolf to talk to another werewolf in a cocktail dress. The sleeping wolf wore a dress as well but also glasses. Karen came to the table and sat across from them as they spoke. Butters was explaining how incredible DNA was, and how if we could just send the right pulse, we could regrow limbs without molds or 3d printing. The wolf, Andy, was speaking about magical remedies for the same thing. When Karen sat they turned to her and asked her opinion.

"It's all quite fascinating." Karen nodded and smiled.

"That's what we thought, but the queen grew inpatient and cut off our time. For that… it is always tea time." Butters weaped. Karen shook her head and left the tea party to find a path to the queen. She found a door and entered it into the hallway again. She grabbed the key and the coffee off the lobby desk. She took it to Dresden's tiny door and unlocked it, then shrank herself to go inside.


	2. Chapter 2

Karen passed through Dresden's office door but instead of the familiar little square room with sparse, hand-made furniture and a few funny pamphlets about witchcraft, it was a sprawling hilly garden. She could tell from her view under a gorgeously ornate gazebo atop it's own hill that as far as the eye could see, was a maze of perfectly trimmed rosebushes. A towering ice castle loomed over the distance, and fog obscured the view, but Karen could make out frosted rose bushes close before the fog.

"I bet that's the Queen." Karen muttered, trying to map out a route before going in. she stood examining the scape for a while before setting down a winding, ornate stairway to the maze. Two lovely water features flanked the stairs so to corral her directly into the maze, and the thorns seemed particularly menacing so to discourage cheating. On, and desperately, Karen trotted through the maze until she came to the frosted roses. They were so lovely encased in a thin, crystal clear layer of ice. Some were just lightly brushed with crystalline formation and some yet were powdered with snow at the top. Snow fell so lightly here that it seemed suspended in the air.

"I should like red roses today- she says… I'm not beholden to summer! How am I supposed to change your bloody roses a new color at once?" Karen heard a mocking voice sneer ahead.

"Quit your complaining, five, or she'll lop off our heads along with yours." Another voice added.

"The both of you will get yourselves done for, but not I. I'd sooner throw the lot of you to that blood thirsty knave of hers and spirit off- I would."

"Yeah, we all know what a disloyal prick you are Seven, no doubt about that." Five grumbled.

"At least I'm brave. Now stop pissing yourself, Two, and help me and Five finish this job. The Queen wants red roses for her goofy golf." As Karen rounded the last corner she noted a wide path toward the castle, side-lined by small perfectly round rose bushes, alongside which there were menacing little ice platforms topped with ice sculptures of chess pieces in black ice and clear ice alternately. The path became black and white checkered marble over a beautiful bridge to the castle. One of the last shrubs before the gatehouse at the end of said bridge was dotted with white roses rather than red, and the three cards were fussing over plucking them and replacing them with red roses. The ice caused a bit of trouble because it reformed almost immediately after being broken.

"Look here, at such an offensive thing." Two cried out as Karen walked by.

"You ought to stand tall in the presence of the Queen, you ought." Seven said, leaving the others all the work. The three were silly to see; trolls dressed in playing card costumes. They were rather well behaved for trolls though.

"You calling me short?" Karen confronted him.

"Short is an odd name to call someone. And I'm sure your parents already chose a proper name for you." Seven scoffed.

"Forget it." Karen sighed. Just then a grand fanfare played and the gates opened to show first a precession of 10 black armored soldiers, then 10 white armored soldiers. Followed by Maggie looking tired on a giant pillow being lugged by hundreds of fairies, Mouse in his dapper suit, some other nobles, Molly, then Kringle in a crown made of real antlers that crossed in a pattern that suggested hearts, riding an armored moose beside the queen sidesaddle atop a glorious, frosty blue unicorn. Walking beside her on foot was Harry Dresden in a suit of black elven plate mail. A heart shape made of frosty blue curling leaves shined on his chest, and the back of his armor left a heart shape around his butt open to reveal his tight leather pants. Karen raised an eyebrow then curtseyed as the precession passed.

Harry shuffled to a halt in front of her then turned to help Queen Mab off her steed. "What is this!?" the queen asked.

"Two and Five couldn't make the roses red, my queen!" Seven spoke immediately. Without a word, Harry drew his blade and sliced off the Troll's head. Thousands of tiny trolls poured out of the fleshy container and screamed in terror as they retreated under the bushes. Karen heard a sound of pleasure from the assembly.

"Two, five." The queen commanded. "I care not of the bush, silly boys, what is this?" she pointed at Karen.

"A… a mortal please, your highness." Two stammered.

"Thank you, Two." The queen said graciously. SLICE! Harry beheaded him too.

"Please, your majesty!" SLICE! Five's flesh fell and his trolls scattered alongside Two's

"Speak child." Mab commanded. Karen doubted if Harry would behead her, but she also doubted if this was really Harry so she held her tong. "I say, speak child, or I'll have your head." Karen considered her options and remained silent.

"If it pleases her majesty, she is just a mortal." Harry said roughly to his queen under his breath.

"Ah yes, you love this one, don't you? No fun, no fun at all." Mab pouted. "Do you golf, child?" Karen risked looking up from her curtsey to see if the queen expected a response and if Harry put away his sword. Mab lifted her brows curiously, so Karen nodded.

"Then join us for some. I am very good at this… goofy golf, it would seem, so I enjoy it immensely." The precession continued. Karen was becoming sick at the sight of the queen. Her gown had a blue ventricle for the top, then flared out like those Victorian gowns to form the human heart shape, then tapered and curled in, leaving two ventricles as a sort of train behind the gown. Another pipe like apparatus went over one shoulder to really complete the look. To top it off, the skirt seemed to pump and bled everywhere she went.

"Lovely day for it, wouldn't you say?" asked Mouse as Karen came near. Still afraid to speak, Karen shrugged one shoulder.

The golf course was much like any normal mini-golf course, but on a PGA tournament scale. The green rolled on for miles, the classic windmill trap was a life-size windmill, and the swinging obstacles were something out of an Indiana Jones movie, and all of it deadly. The knights acted as obstacles for everyone but the Queen, and to top it off, armadillos were the golf balls, and storks acted as the golf clubs.

"Wow, what, the flamingos and hedgehogs were busy?" Karen snarked.

"Those are for croquet, silly child." Mouse remarked. Everyone played at once; rather than wait their turn, the armadillos would get up and move, the stork tried to peck off her face. Karen was going crazy until she heard a creepy voice call.

"How goes the game?" Cat Sith asked.

"Hardly at all." Karen answered. "Its rigged, ridiculous, and-" Karen passed the Queen on her way to the shelter of the windmill trap. "-So very entertaining." She said with a bow. Mab smiled and passed her by to hit another armadillo with her stork.

"What have we here?" Harry's voice asked from up a ladder inside the mill. There was a platform up there where one hits the ball onto from outside the comes in to hit the ball out from within. Harry slid down then advanced menacingly onto Karen. For a moment she felt a fleeting fear, but it was dissolved when he pinned her to the wall and kissed her. His kiss felt eager, like he had been gone for ages. His hands moved over her like he was about to tear the blue dress off. "You don't know how badly I missed you." Harry growled into Karen's throat. At the same moment, someone cleared _their_ throat at the entry.

"Horrid, nasty thing, eh?" Kringle asked. Karen pinched her brows together in askance. "Damn cat, just floating there, nothing but a head. It's atrocious… and spying on lovers too. I would lop your head from your body if you had one at the moment…" the king scolded the malk. "Oh, miss Murphy, have you met the mock turtle?"

"No. Is it weepy as in the stories?"

"Insufferably so." Kringle laughed. "And he has been on like that for centuries." He added. "Knave, do bring the lady to see our dear friend. He so loves someone to tell his story."

"Yes, sire." Harry bowed, and then offered Karen his arm.

"I'm dreaming right? I mean, my leg is healed, the Lewis Carol shtick…" Karen asked. Harry just smiled as he led her to a stable and to the end of the stable they came across a griffin. The griffin stood tall and waited for her and Harry to show respect then crouched so they could mount him. They flew high over the maze into a tropical looking environment, then set down and followed the sound of weeping. Karen giggled a bit causing Harry and the Griffin to do the same. "He is an odd duck, isn't he?" she asked.

"He is not a duck, that's why." The griffin countered.

"I never asked your name." Karen said to the griffin. "Mine is Karen."

"My name is Peter." To that, Karen snorted.

"Pleasure to meet you Peter Griffin." She said cheerily. Soon they came to the beach where the mock turtle cried on a rock. "Hello, I'm Karen." Karen introduced herself to the little turtle shelled pig.

"Oh so kind of you to do so. We all need someone to care for us." The Mock turtle said tearfully. Harry swallowed a laugh. "I am the mock turtle."

"So I see." Karen said cheerfully.

"I was not always so. Once… I was a real turtle!" at that moment he broke into such sobs, it rattled his shell.

"If it pleases sir, might I suggest we show the lady, the lobster quadrille?" Harry asked the mock turtle.

"Oh yes, oh yes, I do so enjoy that one." The Mock turtle wiped his eyes with his little pig feet and hopped of his rock. He clapped twice then a band of crabs emerged from the sea, scuttling onto a rock, with bow instruments then tuned them like an orchestra before a last crab emerged and clicked his larger pincer a few timed. The Fiddler Crabs played a high tempo fandango then lobsters danced out of the sea and lined up with Harry, Karen, Mock Turtle, and Peter. The lobsters bowed, did a shuffling almost tap dance, do-see-doed with their respective partners, then danced up to each land dweller. Karen followed Harry's steps, grabbed its claws, and then flung the lobster far as she could to the sea, as the others did.

"Will you, won't you, will you, wont you, will you, won't you join the dance?" Peter and Harry sang loudly as the mock turtle hiccupped something close.

Harry brought Karen back to Arctis Tor, where he was immediately slapped in irons and dragged into a courtroom. "HEY WHAT THE HELL?" Karen shouted as she followed the black knights but once she passed the courthouse doors, she was thrown into a pen of pigs. She saw the jury was made up of Mrs. Spunkercliffe, O'Toole, the carpenter children, and some of the other werewolves in wolf form but wearing clothes.

"Knave of hearts, you are charged with adultery. Off with his head!" Mab announced from a throne before where they shackled Harry.

"Wait- he can't possibly be charged, he isn't married. And what evidence have you of such claim?" Karen shouted over the rabble.

"He has been quite merry lately, and we have all witnessed his adulterous ways." Kringle said accusatorily. "Why just earlier today, he denied the duchess sweets to look after her well being! That is quite like an adult indeed." The king offered.

"He has been quite responsible this day." Mouse agreed from his seat in the audience beside the pigpen.

"Adultery is a crime!" shouted someone in the audience.

"You misunderstand the meaning. Oh god." Karen swore.

"I am no god."

"Ugh, it's like speaking to children!" Karen shouted tiredly.

"Exactly. We don't want to be adulterers."

Karen was growing inpatient and frustrated then got to realizing she was also just growing. "The prosecution calls the mad hatter to the podium.

"Please, your majesty, I am such a poor man." Butters begged.

"Man?" the king asked.

"BOY! Boy! I'm just a poor boy."

"Nobody loves me." Harry interjected.

"He's just a poor boy from a poor family." The audience sang together. "Spare him his life from this monstrosity."

"Easy come, easy go. Will you let me go?"

"Besmila NO WE WILL NOT LET YOU GO!" The king, Kringle added.

"LET HIM GO!" the audience sang together. And back and forth it went. Karen began to laugh, a booming laugh as she continued to grow and break the pigpen.

"Now, Now, there will be no growing up in my court! Off with her head!" Mab shouted loudly.

"But the knave is the one being prosecuted." Cat Sith reminded the queen, with only his eyes and teeth visible over her shoulder, suggesting he was draped over her like a boa.

"Fine, the knave is pardoned, now behead that woman!" the queen shouted, and then Karen hit her head on the top at the very moment she could hear the climax of Bohemian Rhapsody. Karen tried to roll onto her back and kick off the shadowy roof to make her escape. She was now so big she was curled into a ball inside the court. Instead, gravity seemed to shift as she rolled onto her back, so when she kicked, she fell up into the shadow and the courtroom was just a blurry dark place far above her head. She felt like she was falling down fast, still to Queen's signature piece, while cabinets and desks whipped around her as if she was falling down the eye of a tornado that blew over the police department. Soon the furniture that passed became more 50's and cute, covered with doilies, or ornate picture frames around gray scale images of blond children. She sat bolt upright, jerking her leg, and looked over to mouse being very dog-like, whining and licking her face to wake her.

"A dream. Oh thank God." Karen said getting off the couch. She froze in place then looked down at the leg that should have been injured, but wasn't, then touched the silky flirty material of her cornflower blue dress. Mouse smiled a doggie smile then retreated to Maggie's room. Then Karen became aware of the ending of Bohemian Rhapsody playing softly on the record player: ' _nothing really matters. Anyone can see. Nothing really matters. Nothing really matters to meeeee... Any way the wind blows.'_


	3. Chapter 3

Karen bustled about the house, collecting any mirrors she could and moving them into the attic. After moving her favorite large vanity mirror into the attic, she stopped and sat on a box. Her arm and leg had been miraculously cured days ago but weren't as strong as the others yet. She massaged her thigh then spotted movement in the corner of her eye. She whipped her head around to gaze at her reflection but didn't notice anything. After a moment she began to wonder.

"Harry told me to get rid of all of you… I put you on Craig's list but in the mean time; you have to be away from the family. What I want to know is why? Those phobophages came through mirrors, Harry says we can be spied on through mirrors… but seriously; why mirrors?" Karen put her hand on the mirror then saw her reflection wink, pressing her finger to her lips in a hushing gesture. Karen recoiled but the mirror image of her grabbed her hand and pulled her into the room. Everything seemed the same, just on the opposite side of where it belonged. Karen tried to go back into the mirror but couldn't, then the mirror image of her frolicked away. Karen screamed for help but was mildly concerned that what would come wouldn't be there to help.

She explored the house, testing each mirror, but none let her out. She spotted her mirror self from time to time, passing by, skipping around in a dress, playing with Maggie's toys. Karen went into Maggie's room and found it to be untouched. She was about to leave when some movement caught her eye. She looked down at Maggie's chess set, and then realized it was off somehow. Karen got onto her hands and knees to find the chess pieces looked like the fairy queens. The black queen was Mab, the king was Kringle, the knight was Harry, but there was a second queen that was Molly.

"What the hell. The chess pieces are all wrong." Karen grumbled. The white queen was wandering off the board while the white king scribbled a poem on a scroll using Fix's back as a table. She eyed the writing and rolled her eyes. "Either Lewis Carol has been here, or I'm asleep and thinking of Mirror House." Karen said to herself.

"Beware the Jabberwocky, my son!" Karen jumped, and then eyed the little Harry chess piece as he boredly recited the poem. "The jaws that bite, the claws that catch! Beware the jubjub bird and shun the frumious Bandersnatch!" he said up to Karen then smiled a wicked smile, made all the more frightening in his sharp gothic black plate mail and guy-liner. Karen watched him until she was gone from the room and left the house.

Outside was very different. She was back in the hedge maze from before, but it all seemed different though still recognizable as the same. Karen wandered the maze, and despite going in a path that shouldn't have brought her in a circle, she ended up in the same place. Eventually she resolved to go in a circular path and wound up at a large flowerbed where the flowers chattered obnoxiously.

"Hello, how do you do?" Karen asked. The roses turned to her, gave her a long evaluating look, and then turned away with a snooty "humph."

"Do what?" a daisy asked in a high-pitched voice that got annoying fast. She laughed just as obnoxiously, clearly pleased with her quip and other daises proceeded to chime in with possible answers in different but still shrill voices. "Grow? Quite beautifully!" "Blossom? Exquisitely!" "Sing? Harmoniously!" "Love? Full Heartedly!"

"Oh bother." Karen heard herself exclaim.

"Quiet, quiet you!" the Tiger Lilly exclaimed. "Damn little weeds!" she roared. "They act out because they know I can't reach them." She grumbled.

"Now listen here!" Karen shouted. "The lot of you better behave for tiger lily or I'll stomp on you!" Karen scolded. A long sudden silence stretched before a daisy remarked.

"Who's Have?" and they all erupted into shrill little cackles. Murphy climbed over the fence around the garden and trampled the daises with a sick satisfaction. They groaned in pain, but Karen actually had the restraint to not cause any serious damage. She found a path on the other side of the flowerbed within the garden.

"Barbaric!" A violet remarked.

"I'm in love!" a larkspur replied. Karen rolled her eyes.

"Thank you." Tiger Lilly said gratefully.

"Any time." Karen answered.

"Just you wait- just you wait till the white queen sees them!" the biggest rose threatened Karen. She cradled a rose bud defensively away from Karen in arms made of thorny branches.

"The white… Summer?"

"Yes of course. Winter can't very well tend us, we'd die!" another mother rose answered. Karen decided it was best to leave. When she left the fenced enclosure around the garden she was expecting to return to the maze but instead found herself atop a hill overlooking rolling hills and fields. One end had a Romanian looking castle made of black ice while the other end had a German fairytale castle made of smooth white stone as if it were carved out of a solid quartz mountain. Greens and whites and yellows crept up its walls, doubtlessly plants. After further examination Karen realized each part of the castles were pieces from a chess set. A grid formed from hedges full of green leaves on summer's side and black and thorny on winter's split the fields and hills.

The Pawns were towers along a curtain wall, each about half the diameter of the square and perfectly centered in it. The rooks were small towers on the outside flanks; the two knights didn't look at all like horses on Winter's side but square stables. On Summers side, they were glorious marble statues of rearing horses atop pedestals made of the same white quartz as the other structures.

The bishops were tall towers with steeples on both courts, though for Winter, they were the only steepled structures. Summer's Bishops looked much more like the pieces than Winter's. The King was a taller structure nearly identical to the Queens, though the Kings on both courts bore ornate architectural crowns around the roofs. Summer's Queen was steepled like a cathedral while Winter's Queen set herself apart with a balcony Karen had seen up close when she helped Harry save Molly.

"I know, it's breathtaking." The Winter Queen said from beside Karen. Karen spun and took up a defensive position instinctively. Mab's lips quirked into a smirk. "Do you like checkers?"

"Uh-"

"Please, if you don't know what to say, just curtsey, it saves time." Mab snapped. "And always address me as your majesty."

"Yes your majesty." Karen curtseyed. "I like checkers but this is chess your majesty." Karen said, sweeping a hand at the board.

"Yes, and I'm terribly bored of it. If I could make it all a fun game of goofy golf, I'd be terribly pleased!" she looked at Karen who had nothing to say so she curtseyed. "Come along little friend!" Mab said and off she ran, dragging Karen behind her. Karen franticly kicked her legs beneath her, trying to keep up or at least keep from falling, as she was sure Mab would have just dragged her.

"The scenery is actually moving!"

"No, we are the ones moving silly girl!" Mab answered.

"But in the book-"

"Yes well Lewis always was an embellisher. Nothing seemed odd enough for him."

"Am I dreaming all of this, your majesty?" Karen asked. Mab looked back at her and tittered. At last they ended in front of Summer's curtain wall.

"Turkish delight?" Mab offered Karen.

"I think you're mincing your storybook queens…" Karen said, taking a Turkish delight out of courtesy. Mab laughed.

"Or maybe both are one and the same." She suggested. Before Karen could think at length about it, the queen continued. "You may only travel diagonally, skipping a space to take an enemy. Should you make it to my halls, I will pronounce you a queen!" she said excitedly. You will be granted two spaces unimpeded but soon after you shall meet my first pawns."

"Tweedle-Dee and Tweedle-Dum." Karen surmised. The Winter Queen bounced and clapped happily.

"Very good. After so, you shall meet with my knight, and then you would return to me!"

"I understand, your majesty." Karen said dipping with her back straight in another curtsey and with that Mab vanished. Karen trudged through the overgrown planes across the first space diagonally, spotting the unique insects she read about in the book. A tiny dragon, maybe three inches long with translucent insect wings fluttered by, puffing a bit of fire toward her. A bread and butterfly happened to be in a dive across her at the time so the bread was instantly bronzed by the fire. It spiraled out of the air and into Karen's hands, so out of sheer curiosity Karen took a bite. It was glorious bouncy fresh egg bread with sweet cream butter. She ate the two slices of toast and discarded the bug that joined them. It looked like it was molded of the same butter that had been spread on the bread but she wasn't curious enough to eat it.

The horseflies were fly sized horses with fly-like wings and they came in every horse breed with their wings varying in color length and width accordingly. Something bit Karen's ankle and she spotted the orange mane of a dandelion. It had a plant stock as the earth breed, but the flower looked like a lion's head though the mane was still made of petals.

She passed between two topiaries at the corner boundary and found herself in a forest. "This isn't the wood that loses your name, is it?" Karen thought aloud." Karen pointed at a tree. "That's a… oh my god. I can't remember what it's called!" Karen panicked and began to run in a straight path to the opposite corner of the square. She didn't want to lose her name. She liked it. Without a name, how could her loved ones address her? "I suppose they can call me by a title instead." She considered. "I can be called Mother. I always wanted to be called Mother. But being a mother seems so frightening. What if I'm bad at it, what if I don't like it? What if my child grows to hate me? What if my child… what if he or she dies too soon?" Karen cried as she ran. "Stop thinking like that. Maybe not mother, not yet. Maybe your majesty. You'll be queened at the end of this journey. Your family can just call you your majesty." Karen shook her head and spotted the archway made of two brick pillars overgrown with thorny brambles that formed a steepled archway to the next square. Then Karen spotted the curtain wall not far off. She just had to pass this square.

The next square was a short stone wall enclosed clearing in the woods. It framed a lovely little cottage in the very center with an overgrown tree that hung a swing big enough for two. There was a slide wide enough for two, and seesaw. Frolicking in the field was a fat little schoolboy with a limp boy identical to him on his back like they were having an ordinary piggyback ride.

"How do you do, boys? I assume you are Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dum?" Karen asked. Every hair on her body stood on end as she got a better look at the boys. The limp one was quite clearly dead. The other boy stopped his skipping and dropped his twin then picked him up for a hug and draped his arms over himself to look like a casual pose.

"Good morning." The live one said. He then wiggled the other and gritted out the side of his mouth "contrariwise, it is awful hot for a winter morning." "But you must call us Tweedle now." He said normally "or your majesty. We have been queened." He said pupeting his dead brother.

"I'm Karen- IM KAREN! I know my own name!" Karen said astonished. She laughed then looked again at the dead child and began to cry.

"Don't cry, don't cry. Do you like poetry? I shall recite some poetry-"

"He's dead. Your brother is dead." Karen interrupted Tweedle at the start of 'the walrus and the carpenter.'

"Well the queen wanted to play checkers but we refused to be separated so she did us a favor and led us to the summer side, where one of us was killed then put on the other as a crown. Now we can be together always and we can move foreword and backward. How grand!" the live Tweedle hugged the corpse Tweedle. Karen ran, tears streaming down her face, to the next corner. A grand curling archway made room among the red tipped thorns to pass onto the stark dirt killing field at the base of the curtain wall.

"I wonder if I'll need to wear some dead fool on my head to be queen here?" Karen asked herself aloud.

"What a truly complex riddle that is!" a pompous voice shouted down to her from the wall. The man appeared to be an egg. No legs or arms like in the fairy tales, just an egg teetering on the edge of the wall.

"What the hell are you doing?"

"Why sitting here to watch over the wall." He said proudly. "I was told this task by the queen herself. Now I am not too proud, to show it, you may touch me if you like. And you should never know another honor quite like it, to have touched a man who has been ordered a post by royalty."

"But aren't you afraid to fall?"

"If I needed to be afraid to fall, I could protect myself by merely being brave. I am not afraid, therefore I will not fall."

"Sound logic, I suppose. Oh, but be careful. If you fall from so high not even all the kings horses and all of his men will ever manage to put you together again." Karen called up.

"WHAT?" he asked. He began to shake, and sweat, and cry from his fear and sure enough, as he turned to get off safely he rolled backward, off the wall and his egg shell shattered at Karen's feet, splashing her with egg.

"He would have been fine had you not scared him." Harry tisked from behind Karen. Karen turned and looked at him with wet eyes. He sat in a black saddle atop a black lion in oil colored armor.

"I just killed him?"

"Hey, hey. Its okay. Its fine." He dismounted the lion to hold her but stepped back. "Ick, how about we get you out of those clothes?" he suggested. At that moment the white knight, Fix, had rode in on his beautiful unicorn. It was whiter than white with flowers braided into it's mane and tail that were both long enough to drag on the ground. Karen wondered how the crystal horned beast managed not to stumble and was answered when the unicorn tumbled. Fix recovered shakily and stumbled into Harry trying to throw a punch. Harry took it but it didn't seem to bother him. Fix grabbed him then retched on the ground and Harry rolled his eyes and punched him in the gut, making him puke some more.

"Harry!" Karen chided. Harry tossed Fix away from the vomit and ran after him, tumbling together to the ground. Karen fought the impulse to break them up. "They seem quite drunk."

"Well of course we're drunk. That's the rule!" Fix shouted at Karen.

"The knights have to be drunk when they fight each other in checkers." Harry said breathlessly, grinning ear to ear. Karen noticed belatedly he had the shine of someone plastered. He looked disturbingly attractive with raven hair, guy-liner, stubble, and tight black leather.

"Were you drunk when you made that rule?" Karen mumbled.

"Yes of course. It was made between my queen and the queen of darkness on one of their 'ladies nights.'" Fix slurred.

"They also decided on our clothing. Fix's billowing peasant top and white trousers, and my…" Harry added.

"Captain Hook costume?" Karen suggested. Harry looked down at himself and frowned. Of course, he hadn't watched TV since McHale's Navy.

"Well I'd say it was well fought wouldn't you?" Harry suggested to Fix.

"Well fought indeed."

"Then I shall take the woman prisoner." Harry said, leading Karen away. Fix nodded then passed out right there.

"Will he be okay?" Karen asked. Suddenly Harry wasn't drunk any more.

"He'll be fine." Harry said, leading her through one of the pawns into a courtyard layered with snow. She was led into the knight which was a big block, through a stable, up a spiral stairway, into a small hallway, then to a room with a massive bed with furs piled on it and four ornate black posterns that tipped in horse heads like nine foot long Knight pieces. The floor was stark white with color changing marbling marbled into it. The swirls passed from gold to green to purple to red and back depending on the light and angle.

There was a separate room with just enough wall to be considered a wall and decorated with an overly wide archway. In the toilet room, the shower stall was spacious, there was a massive crystal bath tub in it's own room from the toilet and the sink was crystal set in black stone that was marbled with all the colors of a raven's wings. The floor tile was checkered at an angle, the walls were stark white but the domed ceilings all had skies painted on them. The bath tub room had sun rise, the toilet had mid day, the bedroom had midnight, and the space set apart from the bedroom that held the armchair, fire place, and bow flex machine had sunset. Karen surveyed the room and understood. "This is your place?"

Harry shrugged. "This is the Winter Knight's place. Id prefer more textures on the walls and floor and a couple book shelves but it's a warm bed," he said holding the new clothes he found for her but not handing them to her. "It's a very warm and comfortable bed," he added huskily. Karen blushed and snatched the clothes… a shawl and a number of pins. She threw it across herself diagonally, wrapped it around herself then pinned it then threw the slack over her other shoulder and pinned that. It was still marginally see through but more functional that way. Harry nodded in approval as he watched her dress. "Maybe later then." He remarked as he crooked his elbow to lead her to the queen.

"You're different than usual. Cocky. Its how I know its not you. Not my Harry."

"You aren't wrong… I'm not your Harry…" Harry led Karen to the throne room. "I'm Mab's Harry." He said wiggling his brows.

"It's a rule… you have to be the way she wants you to be while playing her game. And as a rule it's like a law of nature. You can't fight it…" Karen looked at Harry's knowing face and confident smirk. "Your fight. You two were only drunk while you fought. Fix, I mean. You were sober once you called truce."

"Like so."

"Don't start talking like a fairy now."

"Why not? Understand, I'm not going to be human forever… it may be tomorrow, it may be next week- hell I'm a wizard, I'll live long enough it might be 100 years from now. The mantle needs to be given to a human… but the bearer needn't remain human under it." Harry bowed to Karen and gestured for Karen to move foreword. Karen walked up to the queens where both sat in ornate thrones flanking a simple one. Both queens gestured to the center throne so Karen curtseyed and sat in it.

"Before you are made queen we must ensure you are qualified."

"You mean A-B-Cs and Arithmetic's."

"Nonsense girl, we mean judgment and leadership." Tatiana said sternly.

"She read your lad's books. Its no wonder she has no senses." Mab smirked.

"Lewis, dear boy. Nothing was strange enough for him. As I recall you terrified him to the bones."

"Terrifies me." Karen mumbled.

"Queens don't mumble dear… and thank you." Mab winked at Karen.

"If I am made queen must I wear a dead body as a crown like Tweedle?" Karen asked enunciating.

"Heavens no. Tweedle isn't of royal blood." Mab answered.

"I'm not-"

"You bore the sword of Faith. Only decedents of the true royal bloodlines are qualified." Titania said soothingly.

"I broke it."

"But you wielded it."

"The white god, to bring order to humanity, sired your progenitors. He created three royal bloodlines that instated Christianity firmly at the rule of society. He drew power away from our kind, and created superstitions to protect mortals from us." Mab continued.

"Wait like Jesus?"

"Well marginally more successful than Jesus dear, but yes, like Jesus." The queen of Summer answered.

"Royal families are descended from God?"

"No, no, not all of them. Some were just people who were more charismatic, richer, or more violent than the others." Titania clarified.

"But three bloodlines were royal because the white god willed it." Mab explained.

"And I'm from one of them."

"The Irish one, yes- well more likes Swedish to be honest. But it all happened in Ireland. There's a bit of Fay in you as well, the wee folk to be sure." To that, Harry snorted from where he knelt opposite of Fix, both facing the thrones of their queens.

"Why are you telling me this?"

"There's nothing gained or lost by this information. Its conversation." Mab answered.

"You were born for a reason, we think. We see it sometimes." Titania explained.

"This tiny human, mortal, fragile… but so much potential."

"We wish to offer you to be Queen."

"You mean made into one of you… should you die, Molly or Sarissa will become one of you, and then I'll be put in their place." Karen said slowly. "If it happens in my lifetime, that is."

"Oh, don't you worry about your lifetime dear." Mab replied.

"We've already seen that far." Titania finished.

"I do hope you are fated for winter."

"She was born in the spring."

"But my knight is quite fond of her."

"He won't be capable of love and fondness for long."

"That hurts sister. Winter is cold but not unfeeling."

"Then why does one go numb when they are too cold."

"It's a mercy. Your fire heightens the senses as it kills. When a burn victim goes numb it is because they are already dead. Their mind just hasn't given up on them yet. Numbness should be a gift. A chance to bully through what would normally hurt too much to endure in order to survive. My court is cold to protect us from the hurt of our responsibilities."

"I'd rather feel the hurt. If I had to kill, id rather feel bad about it. If I lost empathy, if I went numb, other things I did wouldn't seem so bad either. Theft lies, rape, torture. They would be okay. I don't want them to be okay. I'd do what I had to do for mankind, but I'd rather feel bad about it if it was wrong." The queens looked at each other over Karen's head. Fix looked at Harry then at Karen.

"Maybe she would be a good knight."

"She would make a good morning too." Harry mumbled.

"She's perfect for Queen. Better than my new Maeve. To be queen one must make a good mother too. The Ladies we have now don't… suit that life well."

"If I may…" Karen began. "I'd prefer to go back through the mirror than stay and rule anything. I was a boss before. I got fired. Clearly I failed your examination."

"Very good leadership."

"Not so good judgment."

"She is biased by self loathing and regret. A human trait, it won't last long once she is queen."

"She did answer quite wisely so far."

"Yes child, return through the mirror."

"Just like that? Where is it?" Karen asked.

"In the attic where you stuffed it so we couldn't see into your home."

"My knight _is_ clever." Mab nodded. Karen pointed up and lifted her brows at the Queen of air and darkness. She lifted her brows back. Karen tilted her head in a gesture of conceit and hefted herself out of the throne and ran to the tower. Up and up until she reached the top and found a hatch like the one to her attic which she pulled and ascended the ladder to reach an attic -the mirror image of her own. She found the proper mirror and her reflection looking bitterly back at her. Karen shut her eyes and rushed through then turned and the reflection was just that.

A sound made Karen flinch and spin, crouching into a defensive position. A box rattled, then light feeble mews reached her ears. Karen pushed through the boxes of things she couldn't give up, mostly things belonging to her father that she knew he loved, and found a bed made of old shirts and quilts where a big prissy white cat stood protecting her babies. One looked just like Mister, too big and all gray. One was pure white, the other two had patterns of both.

"You let your cat roam around all the time without neutering him?" Karen silently swore at Harry. "Well I didn't either, did I? Fine, I won't be mad. Come, here, honey, I won't hurt you…" Karen laughed. "I think I'll name you Dinah." Karen gathered the kittens gently and led Dinah out of the attic.


End file.
